BLOODSUCKA JONES (2012)
review by AARON ALLEN
Directed and Written by
Starring Preston Gant, Justin Armao, Maria Canapino, Travis Woods, Jessica Derck, and Matt Kelly
If your girlfriend turns out to be a vampire, who you gonna call? Forget Buffy. Don't even think about Van Helsing. Blade's gone to prison for tax evasion. You need the smoothest, most badass vampire killer in town. You need Bloodsucka Jones!
|That's Bloodsucka Jones (and Vanessa)|
Bloodsucka Jones is the charming new indie comedy from writer/director Justin Armao. Mixing absurdity with blood and gore as well as a gratuitous helping of cleavage, hot bodies, and sexy vampire vixens, Bloodsucka Jones gleefully kicks everything you knew about vampire movies and horror comedies to the curb. In many ways, Bloodsucka Jones is the Anchorman of horror comedies: irreverent, unpredictable, goofball, chaotic, supremely quotable, and completely hilarious.
|The women of Bloodsucka Jones have bite!|
When David (Armao in a starring role) discovers his perfect new girlfriend is a vampire, he enlists the aid of a hapless loser and amateur vampire killer named Tony (Travis Woods). These vampires aren't your typical Hollywood type, however. Sunlight ain't no thing, stakes don't mean shit, and some even love garlic. Since David and Tony have the combined IQ of a beached manatee, they clearly fail to eliminate the threat posed by the local population of collar-popping douchebag bloodsuckers. As a last resort, they call upon the most legendary vampire killer of them all: international badass and vampire-busting brother extraordinaire: Bloodsucka Jones (Preston Gant). Together with his silent and sexy sidekick Vanessa (Maria Canapino), Bloodsucka Jones takes David and Tony under his wing to teach them the finer points of vampire slaying and even the art of seduction.
|Bloodsucka Jones puts his foot down|
Bloodsucka Jones is the prefect party movie. Like Will Ferrell's Anchorman, Bloodsucka Jones hums along on the thinnest of plots with scenes that play out more like an melody of comedy skits than an actual movie -- but that's okay! It's the kind of movie you can pop in and out of without losing the thread, but no matter where you find yourself in Bloodsucka Jones there's going to be something sexy or silly going on to entertain you. Armao and Woods play a pitch-perfect dim-witted duo in contrast to the smooth, sexy Bloodsucka Jones, who inexplicably looks like he walked off the set of a 70s blaxploitation movie. While not every gag is a winner and the movie hits a middle act that begins to sag, the comedic chemistry between the principles is unmistakable. Bloodsucka Jones feels wildly improvised, fresh, and curiously whimsical.
|Ah, yeah baby.|
It should surprise no one by now that the tone of Bloodsucka Jones is definitely more silly than scary. This ain't Let the Right One In. I mean, no one is meant to take Bloodsucka Jones's hair seriously, are they? So, stodgy vampire purists may balk at the liberties Armao takes with the vampire mythos in order to fit it around an independent budget and California shooting locations, but it's exactly this irreverence towards the multitude of vampire movies that have come before that gives Bloodsucka Jones its unique bite. It's an eclectic mix of pop culture references and screwball weirdness with a splash of blood and guts.
|"My fangs are up here, boys."|
Bloodsucka Jones is truly one of the funniest indie horror comedies to surface in a long time. Director Armao delivers a film that's ridiculous to the core and utterly satisfying. Absolutely nothing sucks about Bloodsucka Jones. It's an indie gem just waiting to be discovered for immediate release.