Wednesday, February 27, 2013

The Ghostkeepers to Premiere at Shock Stock

The brand new film from director Anthony D.P. Mann -- The Ghostkeepers -- will be premiering at Shock Stock (April 12-14) in London, ON.

Welcome to the house where evil was born....

Mann, who came to Shock Stock last year with Terror of Dracula returns to Shock Stock with his latest independent feature starring Jennifer Verardi, Christian Pawlowski, Jenny Costanzo, Barry Yuen, Sherri Paterson, and Declan Spellman.


When a podcast host organizes a celebration of his favourite horror classic, The House Where Evil Was Born, all hell breaks loose at Marlow House, the film's location and a property with a dark and sordid history. Enter a faded horror star, a washed-up scream queen, a local medium, and a girl with her own terrifying secrets..... a definite chiller in line with The Haunting and The Changeling. 

Mann's a well known personality in horror circles. Not only did Mann direct and star in Sherlock Holmes and the Shadow Watchers, an original Sherlock Holmes adventure authorized by The Conan Doyle Estate Ltd, he's also the ongoing co-host of the Horror Etc. Podcast, which is now in its fifth year.

Save $10 on your 3-day Shock Stock pass by buying it at Horror in the Hammer's screening of COLOUR CORRECT MY COCK (March 16)

Horror in the Hammer and Shock Stock present COLOUR CORRECT MY COCK!

In anticipation of the Shock Stock horror convention set for April 12-14 in London, ON, Horror in the Hammer is bringing an early taste of the Shock Stock / Vagrancy experience to Hamilton in March with a special screening of the Vagrancy trailer compilation COLOUR CORRECT MY COCK

COLOUR CORRECT MY COCK is the wildest and must fucked up compilation of vinegary movie trailers and smutty clips from the lost and forgotten vaults of 35mm film history. They don't make grindhouse and erotica like this anymore, and no one but Vagrancy Films would have the balls to release a trailer compilation this totally insane and hilarious. For hardcore fans of 35mm oddities and obscure, forgotten films of the 42nd Street era, this one's for you!
DATE: Saturday, Mar 16, 2013  | TIME: 8:00pm
ADMISSION: Only $10 (cash only at the box office). 18+
LOCATION: Staircase Cafe Theatre (27 Dundurn Street North, Hamilton, ON L8R 3C9)
SAVE $10 on a 
SHOCK STOCK 3-day pass 
if purchased at 
Colour Correct My Cock

Friday, February 22, 2013

SPIDERS 3D (Review)

SPIDERS 3D (2013)

review by AARON ALLEN 

Directed by
Tibor Takács

Starring Christa Campbell, William Hope, and Patrick Muldoon

I don't know if giant mutant spiders from space were the best choice of monster for this 3D remake of SPIDERS. After all, the CGI is so hollow and the acting is so wooden that a better choice would have been to update the film with giant mutant termites.

Spiders (aka. Spiders 3D, which is now available on DVD, Blu-ray and Blu-ray 3D from Millennium Entertainment), is just the most recent movie in a long line of low-budget creature features that have proliferated in the wake of the SyFy channel and the success of low-budget film companies like The Asylum. Director Tibor Takács, famous for the 1987 Canadian horror film The Gate which gave Stephen Dorff his first theatrical role, has spent the latter part of his career churning out low-budget disaster flicks and cheap monster movies like Ice Spiders, Meteor Storm, Mega Snake, and Mansquito. Spiders may not be as bad as movies like Ice Spiders, but it's also not nearly as outrageous or ironically fun. And to make matters worse, it's a shoddy remake of an already shoddy B-movie.

In Soviet Russia, spiders step on you!

Because the Russians will never live down their role as the quintessential American bogeyman, obviously the Soviets are to blame for a giant spider attack on US soil. Spiders, which is a remake of a 2000 movie of the same name, concerns a race of mutant arachnids that come to earth aboard pieces of an old, top secret Soviet satellite after it crashes down in New York City. These are not your run of the mill mutant spiders, either. They are genetically engineered spiders with alien DNA that grow to giant proportions! Patrick Muldoon plays Jason, a NYC Transit supervisor whose biggest concerns that day are rush hour traffic and getting to his daughter's birthday. He soon finds his day royally screwed when the crashed Soviet craft destroys a portion of the subway line and one of his employees underground is killed and then impregnated with alien spider eggs. I bet there's no benefits package to compensate for that. Soon, he and his ex-wife Rachel (Christa Campbell), a public health investigator, must put aside their differences to rescue their daughter from an invasion of giant eight-legged killers and a colossal spider queen that erupts up from beneath the streets of New York.

Who's itsy-bitsy now, huh?

Spiders, which I viewed in its 2D format on Blu-ray, begins with promise, especially if you're familiar with the 2000 version that, despite a shitty script, had some pretty cool practical effects and over-the-top hilarious gross-out moments. I was hoping for the same. Unfortunately, Spiders doesn't seem to find any real fun or excitement with its derivative material. It actually manages to deliver a plot that makes less sense and is less exciting than Spiders (2000). Rather than go the parody route, which may have given the movie a leg (or eight) to stand on, Spiders plays out to the last scene without a single wink or nudge. I don't know how I'm supposed to take seriously giant alien spiders when the pace of the plot has no urgency and the monsters are the heartless products of bargain basement CGI effects work. Even despite a cool design that avoids conventional spider traits, these CGI arachnids look painfully cheap and hastily rendered. Even the giant queen who dominates the climax of the film is barely above modern video game grade graphics. I don't know how they did it, but the CGI spiders in Spiders (2013) look worse than the practical rubber ones in the original Spiders (2000). How embarrassing.

As if New York hasn't suffered enough....

Where other recent B-movies have embraced their low-budget monstrosities by offering over-the-top ridiculousness (see hilariously cheesy Fright Night Theatre inductees Sharktopus, Megapirana, and Nazis at the Center of the Earth), Spiders is so deadpan about the whole thing that it's terminal lack of fun only serves to point out the glaring lack of quality in the effects and its shamefully clunky script. Without something to laugh at, it becomes all too clear that the plot of Spiders is strictly paint-by-numbers and the characters are generally flat and unlikable. In particular, Christa Campbell is never once convincing as a mother, ex-wife, or health professional, and she has zero chemistry with Muldoon. 

The characters in Spiders find themselves in sticky situations

 Spiders is a very conventional and painfully dry monster movie that somehow manages to be less entertaining than the cheesy b-movie it's based on. It looks like Tibor Takács and Millennium Entertainment were try to make a big Hollywood-style movie on a modest budget, and I applaud the effort. Unfortunately, with low-grade effects and a script deficient in fun, adventure, or scares, Spiders is a mediocre monster movie at best. I can't imagine that even a 3D element would do much to give Spiders a much needed injection of thrills.

Friday, February 15, 2013

That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Awesome: The Making of Bloodsucka Jones (Part 2)

That Which Does Not Kill You
 Makes You Awesome

The Making of Bloodsucka Jones (Part 2)
by Aaron Allen 

You're either in the indie movie business for the love of film-making or you're not in it at all.

These days, no one sets out to make an independent movie, let alone a horror comedy, expecting to get rich quick or find instant fame. Although movie-making technology is more accessible than ever, the men and women who set out to make self-financed movies still face countless challenges, chief among them the threat that their movie may never get finished or even released.

So what keeps indie writers, directors, actors, and producers motivated under the threat of failure and obscurity? As we learn today in part two of our interview with the Bloodsucka Jones creative team, it was the support of a talented and dedicated cast that helped Bloodsucka Jones survive despite scheduling nightmares and on-set injuries that threatened to put a stake in the heart of the vampire comedy once and for all.

Start with PART ONE

Thursday, February 14, 2013

That Which Does Not Kill You Makes You Awesome: The Making of Bloodsucka Jones (Part 1)

That Which Does Not Kill You,
 Makes You Awesome

The Making of Bloodsucka Jones (Part 1)
by Aaron Allen 

The phrase "blood, sweat, and tears" gets thrown around quite liberally these days, but it has never been so apappropriate as to describe the making of the hilarious new vampire comedy Bloodsucka Jones.

The World Premiere of Bloodsucka Jones this Friday at Fright Night Theatre in Hamilton marks the end of a long journey for writer/director Justin Armao, producer Andy Cauble, and producer/star Preston Gant. What began over 13 years ago on another ill-fated project became an April Fool's commitment in 2008 to bring the legend of Bloodsucka Jones to life. But this April Fool's promise was no joke. Five years later, Armao's crazy little idea for a movie has finally become a film -- a film financed by blood. Literally.

Find out how three men doing the job of twenty find an impossibly supportive cast that's willing to shed blood, survive broken families, suffer broken bones, and make some last minute hail-Mary moves to bring the tale of Bloodsucka Jones to the big screen.

More after the jump, or skip to PART TWO

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Win Free Tickets to BLOODSUCKA JONES!

Hey fright fans! We have four -- count'em -- four (4) free tickets to Friday's WORLD PREMIERE of BLOODSUCKA JONES to give away courtesy of our friends at Shock Stock: Canada's Filthiest Horror Convention.

Want to win? 

1.) Then check out the Shock Stock guest list at 

2.) Email with your full name and the guest you're most excited to meet at Shock Stock (April 12-14, 2013).

Winners will be contacted Friday, February 15 at 9 a.m.!

Mutant SPIDERS from Space Attack in 3D on Blu-Ray

by Aaron Allen

I hate spiders. The thought of a spider touching me seriously wigs me out. Yet, I love spider movies. Go figure.

Arachnophobia. Tarantula. Eight Legged Freaks. You've pretty much guaranteed my attention if your flick's about killer spiders, especially giant mutant spiders! So no one should be surprised that I'm totally gearing up to see SPIDERS (dir. Tibor Takacs), which is coming to 2D DVD and 3D Blu-Ray next month.

SPIDERS (which is currently available on VOD) will be released on DVD and 3D Blu-ray on March 12, 2013 from Millennium Entertainment. Starring Patrick Muldoon, Christa Campbell and Sydney Sweeney, this Sci-Fi horror flick begins with mutant spiders that fall to earth from a disabled Soviet space station. As New York is overrun with the deadly wall crawlers from space, a transit supervisor and health inspector must save their daughter and prevent a colossal Queen Spider from uniting with her eggs and creating an army of massive killer arachnids!

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Canadian Haunted Attractions Conference is Coming

Things are about to get a lot more spooky in the Hammer when the Canadian Haunted Attractions Conference returns to town for the second year in a row: April 12-14, 2013.

The Canadian Haunted Attractions Conference (CHAC) is an annual trade show and meeting place at the Sheraton Hotel for artists and experts in the paranormal and horror entertainment industry. Open to the public, CHAC draws hundreds of haunted-attraction organizers and owners to the downtown core as vendors and experts for workshops and other special events including:
  • Builders Worskshops
  • Body Art Competition
  • Seminars and Paranormal Talks
  • Tours and Ghost Hunts 
Get your tickets for this year's conference at

Friday, February 8, 2013




review by AARON ALLEN 

Directed and Written by
Justin Armao

Starring Preston Gant, Justin Armao, Maria Canapino, Travis Woods, Jessica Derck, and Matt Kelly

If your girlfriend turns out to be a vampire, who you gonna call? Forget Buffy. Don't even think about Van Helsing. Blade's gone to prison for tax evasion. You need the smoothest, most badass vampire killer in town. You need Bloodsucka Jones!

That's Bloodsucka Jones (and Vanessa)

Bloodsucka Jones is the charming new indie comedy from writer/director Justin Armao. Mixing absurdity with blood and gore as well as a gratuitous helping of cleavage, hot bodies, and sexy vampire vixens, Bloodsucka Jones gleefully kicks everything you knew about vampire movies and horror comedies to the curb. In many ways, Bloodsucka Jones is the Anchorman of horror comedies: irreverent, unpredictable, goofball, chaotic, supremely quotable, and completely hilarious.

The women of Bloodsucka Jones have bite!

When David (Armao in a starring role) discovers his perfect new girlfriend is a vampire, he enlists the aid of a hapless loser and amateur vampire killer named Tony (Travis Woods). These vampires aren't your typical Hollywood type, however. Sunlight ain't no thing, stakes don't mean shit, and some even love garlic. Since David and Tony have the combined IQ of a beached manatee, they clearly fail to eliminate the threat posed by the local population of collar-popping douchebag bloodsuckers. As a last resort, they call upon the most legendary vampire killer of them all: international badass and vampire-busting brother extraordinaire: Bloodsucka Jones (Preston Gant). Together with his silent and sexy sidekick Vanessa (Maria Canapino), Bloodsucka Jones takes David and Tony under his wing to teach them the finer points of vampire slaying and even the art of seduction.

Bloodsucka Jones puts his foot down

Bloodsucka Jones is the prefect party movie. Like Will Ferrell's Anchorman, Bloodsucka Jones hums along on the thinnest of plots with scenes that play out more like an melody of comedy skits than an actual movie -- but that's okay! It's the kind of movie you can pop in and out of without losing the thread, but no matter where you find yourself in Bloodsucka Jones there's going to be something sexy or silly going on to entertain you. Armao and Woods play a pitch-perfect dim-witted duo in contrast to the smooth, sexy Bloodsucka Jones, who inexplicably looks like he walked off the set of a 70s blaxploitation movie. While not every gag is a winner and the movie hits a middle act that begins to sag, the comedic chemistry between the principles is unmistakable. Bloodsucka Jones feels wildly improvised, fresh, and curiously whimsical.

Ah, yeah baby.

It should surprise no one by now that the tone of Bloodsucka Jones is definitely more silly than scary. This ain't Let the Right One In. I mean, no one is meant to take Bloodsucka Jones's hair seriously, are they? So, stodgy vampire purists may balk at the liberties Armao takes with the vampire mythos in order to fit it around an independent budget and California shooting locations, but it's exactly this irreverence towards the multitude of vampire movies that have come before that gives Bloodsucka Jones its unique bite. It's an eclectic mix of pop culture references and screwball weirdness with a splash of blood and guts.

"My fangs are up here, boys."
Bloodsucka Jones is truly one of the funniest indie horror comedies to surface in a long time. Director Armao delivers a film that's ridiculous to the core and utterly satisfying. Absolutely nothing sucks about Bloodsucka Jones. It's an indie gem just waiting to be discovered for immediate release.

5 Reasons to Go to Bloodsucka Jones (instead of Art Crawl)

UPDATE: Due to weather, the World Premiere of Bloodsucka Jones has been moved to February 15, 2013

Tonight is the World Premiere of vampire comedy BLOODSUCKA JONES at Fright Night Theatre. Presented by Horror in the Hammer, the Bloodsucka Jones pre-show begins at 7:00 p.m. at The Staircase Cafe Theatre (27 Dundurn St. N) followed by the world premiere movie at 8:00 p.m.

Tonight, however, is also Art Crawl on James Street North. We at Horror in the Hammer are big supporters of Art Crawl and all our friends on James Street N., but if you can only go to one event tonight, we have five irrefutable reasons why you should make it a Bloodsucka Jones night.

1.) It's too damn cold outside!

I don't know if you've gone outside today, but it's a little frosty out here in Hamilton. On a normal cold day, James Street North can feel like a bit of a wind tunnel. I imagine that today it's more like a wind tunnel blasting face-shredding ice schrapnel.

Instead, why not join us inside the climate-controlled confines of The Staircase Theatre? Bring your friends to the cafe for beer or hang out in the Staircase's intimate and cozy screening room for a 50-minute block of new and classic horror movie trailers.

2.) Less Hipsters. More Vampire Vixens.

I think we all know what I mean. Art Crawl has become as much an ironic fashion scene for the white urban middle class as it is an artistic cultural market. But we at Horror in the Hammer don't consume our art through irony. We have less this:

  And more this:

The choice is yours.

 3.) Take Home Affordable Indie Art

How often do you leave Art Crawl with some original work to take home?

To celebrate the world premiere of Bloodsucka Jones in Hamilton, we've commissioned Ontario artist Patrick Carson Sparrow to create a piece of unique Bloodsucka Jones poster art. We're selling 12x18 posters for only $5. Just five measly bones! And a dollar from each sale goes directly back into the pocket of the artist.

Or, you know, you can go down to Art Crawl and contemplate buying a bedazzled gas can for $500.00

4.) Help Cultivate Hamilton's Genre Film Culture

Since 2008, Horror in the Hammer has been screening mainstream and independent horror films as part of our non-profit Fright Night Theatre monthly screening program. Unlike other screening programs in Hamilton, such as the Hamilton Film Festival and the AGH World Film Festival, Fright Night Theatre provides an alternative film venue for independent cult cinema screenings. If you love horror and genre films, come out and support Fright Night Theatre and meet more of Hamilton's horror-fan community. And support the hardworking indie filmmakers behind Bloodsucka Jones who chose the Hammer to host their world premiere!

5.) Free "Vampire Bites"

I'm going to go out on a limb and say we're the only event offering free "hickies" this Friday night, aside from those sloppy drunk girls at Hess Village. Come live dangerously and get an undead "love bite" from one of our in-house vamps before the movie. Don't worry, our vampire bites wash right off, so there's nothing you need explain to the husband or wife. Nothing, that is, except for your sudden allergy to sunlight and craving for blood.

Horror in the Hammer presents....

The World Premiere of
BLOODSUCKA JONES (dir. Justin Amaro)

$10 (cash only)

PRESHOW: 7:00pm


FRIGHT NIGHT THEATRE: February 8, 2013
27 Dundurn Street North, Hamilton, Ontario L8R 3C9
Admission $10
Posters $5 each

Sponsored by:

Monster Muffin

Shock Stock

Burdin's Comics

Crash Landing Punk and Music Store